Don't Talk About Him Like That!
by mednin
Summary: Caboose was making cookies, when he heard Tucker and Sarge talking. Churboose.


**Hey guys! This is my first Red vs. Blue fanfiction and my first Churboose fic for that matter! I really like this couple a lot! Anyways, this goes out to all of the fanfictions written for Churboose. You guys have done a great job. Please keep writing more! I do not own Red vs. Blue. . Please keep writing more! As for "That Could Be Debatable" and "Coming Home" fanfictions, please update. This goes for the rest of uncompleted fanfiction. I'm sorry I'm not including everyone's works, but I do really appreciate them. There are not as many Churboose fanfictions compared to others, but for the few out there they are wonderful. Thank you. Nevertheless, here it goes. **

** This fanfiction also goes out especially to Tailsgfriend. I do not own Red vs. Blue.**

It was about 2 in the afternoon at Blood Gulch. Caboose was walking around the blue base, out of his suit, searching under flowerpots and behind the closet. He was looking for his bestest friend in the whole wide world, Church. He went to the living room and saw Tucker, out of his suit, reading a magazine, the cover having naked ladies on it. It was weird since Tucker generally read those magazines in his room, doing something Church said was "very private and personal" so he should leave him alone.

Great, he didn't want to see this Mr. I'm-too-cool-to-tell-anyone-where-babies-are-from, he wanted to see Church! Church told him not to bother Tucker when he was reading stuff like this, but he wasn't in his room this time! Plus, this was an emergency! He needed to find Church! Unfortunately, though, he's looked EVERYWHERE for Church, but can't seem to find him anywhere! So, he had no choice but to ask Tucker. Church would understand.

"Tucker! Have you seen Church?" he asked with enthusiasm, hoping to find his buddy soon.

Too engrossed in his magazine, Tucker was surprised to hear Caboose! "Caboose, what the fuck?! Don't sneak up on people like that! Anyways, no, I haven't seen Church, now can you leave me alone, please?!"

"Sorry, Tucker." With that, Caboose left. Even though he did not like Tucker, he still feels bad for disturbing him. Church told him that he shouldn't interrupt Tucker when he was doing his "private and personal matters" as Church puts it. Plus, he always blamed Tucker for stuff. That's when Caboose decided that he was going to make it up to him! But how?

Hmm….well, what does Tucker like? He likes women…a lot. But, he doesn't know much about women. 'I know!' thought Caboose, 'I'll make him a snack! Everyone loves snacks!'

So, Caboose went to the kitchen and did his best to make Tucker some chocolate chip cookies. However, he had to replace some ingredients. He needed to replace the butter with that product "chap lips be gone" and the eggs with napkins. It took him a very long time to make these cookies, and he worked really hard! Tucker is going to really like them!

So, grabbing his cookies, he went to the living room. There was a door between them and he was about to knock, but then he heard a voice that shouldn't be there!

"So, let's agree. I give you Grif's porn…" 'That's definitely Sarge. I would recognize that pirate accent anywhere! But, what's he doing here?!' thought Caboose.

"And in return, I'll aim at Grif the next time we fight. But do you think Grif will notice that I'm trying to attack him? I mean, Grif can be dumb, but he's not as dumb as Caboose" responded Tucker. "By the way, thanks for not wearing your armor either."

"I'm a man of my word, and anything as long as I can see Grif in pain!"

_Dumb as Caboose. _The words kept echoing in the said man's mind. Caboose set the cookies on the counter. He grabbed his head, no. Noooo! 

"_You're stupid. I've seen new born babies smarter then you, you piece of shit!"_

A pounding headache ensues, and Caboose is now on his knees, begging for the pain to go away. Memories upon memories keep coming back to his mind. Caboose knew he wasn't the smartest, but he tried dammit! Regardless, negative thoughts kept flowing through his head.

"_You fucking retard! You can't do anything right! Why are you so fucking stupid?! You would be better off dead!" Hitting ensues and cries are heard. This went on for an hour until. _

At this point, Caboose is in tears, trying to contain and hold back his sobs. Big tears stains could be seen on the floor, but Caboose didn't care. He desperately wanted to go back to his room, but he couldn't. His body wouldn't move. He felt weak, scared, sad, and lonely.

"Hey Church, where were you? Caboose was looking for you. And why don't you have your armor on?" that was Tucker.

"I was taking a nap in my room. What are you guys doing? And why the hell is he here?!" he asked, pointing at Sarge.

Caboose looked down, and cried even more. 'Of course he was in his room, moron' Caboose thought to himself. He wishes he looked there from the start, but he was too much of a retard to even think of looking there.

"We were talking about how much of a retard your dark, blue fell-"next thing Sarge knew, he was pushed against the wall, looking into the angered eyes of Church.

"Listen here, asshole. You come into MY base and then you insult one of my teammates. No one, NO ONE, talks about my friend that way! He's the fucking nicest person you'll ever meet! He might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but he fucking does his best, and I'm not going to let you-" Church slams Sarge into the wall even harder "or ANYBODY talk about him that way, you got that?!"

Caboose was startled. He couldn't remember the last time someone stood up for him like this.

"And YOU!" he exclaimed, turning his head towards Tucker while still holding Sarge, not loosening his grip "I don't know what the fuck is up with you, but lately I've noticed you've been treating Caboose like shit. I know you've been having Caboose do your chores for you as well your shits! Caboose might be annoying at times, but he is still a teammate! There is NO reason for you to treat him like that! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"

Church was pissed. No, pissed was not the right word. He was infuriated. Tucker has never seen him like this. Sure, Tucker has seen him angered and annoyed, but never like this. Not even close. And he had the right to be, in Tucker's opinion. Recently, Tucker has been upset that Junior is no longer around and took out his anger on the easiest target.

At this point, Caboose was crying. Not from sadness, but from joy. He had someone who cared about him! Someone who didn't mind him being there! Who thought that he was a good person! Who thought that he was worth someone's time and effort!

"Heh"

"What's so funny, Sarge?" Church asked menacingly, looking as if he wants to send Sarge to the deepest part of hell.

"I'm just admiring ya, soldier. Sticking your neck out for a subordinate. That takes guts. Anyways, I'm going to head back now, so put me down ya dirty blue!"

"Only if you promise not to tell Caboose about any of this. That goes for you too, Tucker, I don't want Caboose ever finding out about this. That's an order."

"Fine, like I said to your little aqua man friend here, I'm a man of my word! Now let me go dammit!" With that said, Church released him suddenly. Sarge could feel where he was held tightly. Shit, there was going to be a nasty big bruise tomorrow.

With that said, Sarge left. He was a man of his word and walked back to red base. Hearing that speech from the commanding officer of the blue team inspired him. Maybe he'll be nicer to Grif from now on! Hahahahahaha, yeah right, that'll happen when Donut stops writing Harry Potter fanfiction. And we all know that's not going to happen.

Tucker told Church he won't talk about what happened to Caboose and went back to his room. He pledged to be nicer, even if just a little, to Caboose from now on. He won't be nice to him all the time, and he'll probably lose his cool every once in a blue moon, but he'll do his best.

Church also went back to his room. He was exhausted from that speech, especially after just getting up from a nap, but he doesn't regret making it. Someone needed to stand up for Caboose. Sure he was annoying, dim-witted, too friendly, clueless, and so forth, but he was his best friend, whether he admitted that or not to Caboose or anybody he knew it was true.

When everyone left, Caboose got up from the floor, finding the strength in his legs to lift himself up. Wiping the rest of his tears with the sleeve of his shirt, he opened the door to the living room and sat down. He knew he liked Church for a reason, and he was glad that Church was his best friend.

Hopefully in the future, he'll be more than just his best friend.

**Oh, wow, that was hard! I have even more respect for all of the Churboose writers out there after writing this! I might try to do another one-shot after this, or a follow up to this story. I'm not too sure yet, but the odds are most likely but sometime a little later in the future. Anyways, thanks for reading this and please review! **


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